Up next in 10
The goblins re-return to Yamatai and continue the search to get back home.
This is episode 10, if you want to catch up on the series, you can view the playlist here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLM91_50BNoFon0QDpdiG2H4rP0AlVQgpm
The Goblins:
@argos101
@larsburrito
#tombraider #funny #playthrough #meme #memes
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0:00
Hey, couch goblins. Hey, couch goblins. Raiding the tombs. All right, you can go. I'm raiding the tombs. Yes,
0:05
she's got the shotgun on her back now. I didn't even notice. Yeah. Um,
0:13
last time I believe we had some weird creepy uh airplane stuff.
0:19
Airplane stuff. We had the um
0:24
words. They're just flying right out of your mouth right now. I know.
0:29
We had uh the supernatural for this game show
0:36
up. Not even sure how to describe them. Do you know how you describe them? Uh so there were these big evil guys,
0:43
right? And they were doing big evil thing. Nice. That's descriptive. I appreciate your uh
0:49
your help in that. They were doing big evil things and it was like dang that's not cool. And
0:55
nobody stopped them. Did I come from this side or where where am I going? I'm going that way.
1:01
You're going that way. You're going that way. I think I think last time on Couchcoms you were confused in where you were going.
1:06
Uh well, I'm I'm a usually confused individual and that doesn't usually know what I'm doing or what I'm supposed to
1:12
do. Um I want skill issue, but I feel like I
1:17
feel bad if I say skill issue. I don't know what the point of me
1:23
shooting that arrow was. Was there like a treasure or something over here that I could have picked up?
1:30
Maybe you get the high ground. What?
1:36
I saw a joke where it's like when Obi-Wan uh
1:42
designs his house so he constantly has the high ground cuz apparently if you look he's like on
1:48
a hilltop. Oh, from the from the new [ __ ] or one of
1:54
the newest shows. No, it was for I think it was like the original like the original trilogy. The
1:59
good trilogy. Oh, you know, I don't think they can get to
2:04
me if I stealthily kill all of them here. If you stealth, you think you got to kill that guy, then that guy, and then
2:10
you have to quickly kill that guy.
2:19
This guy next. I mean, those other two you're going to have to like kill simultaneously.
2:25
Oh [ __ ] If only you had the high ground on. You
2:30
did a little hop. He did. Interesting. And now you get a fire.
2:36
Well, this is an achievement. I have to light like 10 of them and I get an achievement or something like that. I
2:42
don't know. Yippee. An achieve. Hey, look. Arrows. As if they knew I was going to do that.
2:47
Um, although this is where I was now, so I I think that's all that was needed. And I can just kind of Whoop.
2:55
Then you're good. Then you're just good. You're good. You're fine. You're okay.
3:04
They have a drinking problem. I just heard bottles. Uh, wow. Way to way to assume their ism, my
3:12
guy. Their alcoholism. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that.
3:19
I mean, they've already gone down a path of being, you know, enemies. Those could have been water bottles. You
3:24
never know. When is water ever in a glass bottle like that? Be honest here.
3:30
When it's really expensive. Interesting. And how does that make you feel?
3:35
What? I don't know. I'm being stupid. Ignore me. And how does that just made no sense to
3:42
my brain? It's cuz that my brain is not making sense to itself either.
3:49
Belle, see if there's anything that is worth collecting before. Oh, ammunition.
3:57
That's never worth collecting. Ammunition's not important. Oh, in that case, I'm never going to collect a single bullet more.
4:04
Hi, PSM. Are you okay? What do they want with What could possibly go wrong?
4:09
Everything. This is so [ __ ] up. Listen, I'm coming to get you. What's all the boomers who did? Do you
4:14
all want to change the metric system or not? Please hold me long. What? Have you never seen that meme?
4:20
No, I haven't. It's the It's It's just that that was the whole meme. Once all the boomers are
4:25
dead, you all want to change the metric system or No. Interesting.
4:31
Hey, she took the radio. Oh, [ __ ] Oh, [ __ ] And as American, as as an
4:37
American, I'm not going to lie, I really like feet. I'm not going to I'm pretty yards are really cool too. Miles,
4:44
inches. Love all of them. What?
4:49
My brain forgot what we were talking about and just immediately just just I really like feet.
4:55
Like what? There's something up here. I wonder what it is. No, I really What do we call it? The standard system.
5:02
Uh I I don't even know if there is a specific name for it.
5:07
American. American. when you're driving on the highway at uh 70 miles per well 70 bald
5:14
eagles per I think it's is it's either standard or is it yeah it's called standard I'm smart
5:22
traveling but for tools called the imperial system okay oh that yeah yeah
5:29
as someone who's always on the imperial side I agree with this when traveling down when you're traveling down the highway at you know
5:35
60 bald eagles per uh McDonald's. 60 bald eagles for Mc That's pretty slow
5:42
cuz there are never 60 bald eagles per any McDonald's.
5:50
I'm so happy you've figured that out. Congratulations.
5:56
Now that you're being allowed, you might want to perhaps
6:01
switch to like a gun. Why? The the bow and arrow is being just as good. Okay.
6:10
Nothing. Although that would have made a boom. The gas is spilling out on the ground.
6:18
I'm assuming it's gas. No, that's um
6:25
yellow Gatorade. Piss. I thought it was yellow Gatorade.
6:33
Ah, it's piss. Okay. I'm used to the high on life uh ping button which is up on the D-pad.
6:42
How is that game by the way? I haven't played it. It is hilarious. I
6:48
have enjoyed every second of it. Apparently there's a way that you can like
6:54
So basically the bounty hunter that you're supposed to enlist help from has
6:59
uh lost his arms and legs. Oh, hi. You followed me.
7:06
Oh, kill him. Oh, you're alive. You're the most alive person in the world. Um
7:11
anyway, so apparently the bounty hunter that you were supposed to enlist help from um lost his arms and legs and takes
7:19
up residence on your couch um in your house and offers you advice
7:26
that you probably could have lived without. But your bounty his bounty old bounty
7:31
hunter suit um he gave to you so you could go through
7:37
um I missed. Oh, hi.
7:46
Um Oh, hi. Bang bang. Oh, hi. Bang bang. That's how we That's how we say hi in America.
7:53
Nothing wrong with that, my friend. Nothing wrong with that.
7:58
You should reload. Nah, it doesn't for me.
8:04
Nah, I'm good. I like having no bullets.
8:11
Hurry up and die. Jeez. Thank you. Good talk.
8:18
I really do be sponging right now. Like I think I've already made a comment
8:24
about the uh kid you kill in the first like 10 minutes of the game.
8:30
What? I think I made a comment about this in the previous episode, didn't I? I don't think I I think I've seen I
8:37
might have seen the clip that you're referring to, but I don't think Yeah.
8:43
I don't think you talked about it. I thought I did. So, there's a kid that like blocks your path and you can't go
8:49
past and he's like, "Um, you can't pass." So,
8:54
you you're the new kid. He's a new guy, like blah blah blah. And,
9:00
um, it's like you have an option to kill him. Then your gun, the gun that you
9:05
have at the time is like, "Oh, jeez. Well, there goes our our E- rating.
9:12
Uh, we killed a kid. And um,
9:23
well, well, look what we got here. Fresh meat. Hey there, fresh meat. Welcome to
9:29
the slums. Fresh meat.
9:34
Look at me. I'm scary. No, we just want to get past. Shoot him. Oh, you don't want to shoot me just cuz
9:39
your gun said not to. Just cuz you're your little gun. Oh, but you look look how shootable I look. I look so
9:45
shootable. I can see it in your eyes, Fresh Me. You
9:51
actually I'm not shooting a kid. Go ahead, do it. Shoot me, Fresh Meat. Shoot me. See what happens. Don't I look
9:59
so shootable? Look at me. You could shoot me anywhere you want.
10:05
You shot me. I'm dead. All right, there. Are you happy now? Wow. I I didn't think we'd be allowed to kill him. Yeah. Normally killing
10:11
children in games isn't isn't allowed, but he's dead. We killed this kid. Are Are you happy now? We killed a kid. A
10:18
kid is dead. Now there goes our E for everybody rating. We're in the water.
10:24
We're in the water. Um
10:30
Oh, [ __ ]
10:37
Oh great. Um, I think your life would be longer if you stopped falling off of things and going I mean, yeah,
10:44
I don't think any of that came through on Discord. Oh, lovely.
10:50
I didn't realize there's a thing there. Okay, well, um, but then like the next like 2 minutes of the game, you find his
10:57
mother who's like, um, oh, he's fine. He was actually like
11:02
40. So, like, you didn't you didn't kill a kid. And it's like, oh, okay.
11:09
And like the achievement you get for that whole exchange is what the I was trying again. That's amazing. You fell on it in
11:16
the exact same way. No, it was a different It was a different one. It was No, it was just like the same angle, though. Oh, yeah. You fell on it on the
11:21
exact same way. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but the achievement for that is
11:28
I think not even Fallout will let you do this or something like that.
11:34
Uh, camera. Okay. Okay. The camera would Oh my god. That is not my fault. You did not. You saw the camera not You know
11:40
do I hear for you know what I can do without your sass. Okay.
11:47
Pause this game. Listen here, buddy.
11:58
Okay. Which way am I going? You're going that way.
12:04
Oh no. I live. You know what? Let me just go over here
12:09
and uh stop that. [Laughter]
12:17
Uh for those of you at home, I I stopped the uh screen share on Discord so uh he
12:23
couldn't see. You're just about to run into one now
12:30
because of that. I'm sorry. I know. I thought you were about to just run into one because of that.
12:36
Oh, no. I'm I'm stupid, but I'm not that stupid. Okay. Going this way, right?
12:42
Going this way. Sure. Yeah. Well, it worked. So, we'll go with that.
12:49
[Music]
12:54
Today is just not her day, is it? Oh, boy.
13:05
Yeah, just look at it. Just look at it. Well, she can't move quickly.
13:10
No sudden movements.
13:16
[Music] Well, [ __ ] There's an emergency. There's an
13:23
emergency. Backup shoot. Oh,
13:28
don't get killed by the trees. It'll go like right through your chest or some [ __ ] dude. Oh, it it will. I I've died to this
13:34
part, actually. The first time I played this game, I died more to this sequence than the one that I died five times on.
13:46
George of the Jungle, watch out for that tree.
13:51
Ooh, how the knock out of you. I'm main character, that's why. Main
13:58
character. So, how many ribs do you think will still be intact by the end of the game? At least two.
14:04
Hopefully. Hopefully. Hopefully. Hopefully. Just the two that are keeping it
14:10
together. Jeez, that sounds awful. Oh my god.
14:19
I can't imagine. Yo.
14:24
Oh, that is a beautiful view though. Thumbnail image. the thumbnail.
14:31
Look for first aid. Thanks. No one leaves.
14:36
No one leaves. What's that thing above it say? It was like Saka.
14:45
Solaris. I think that's technically like the name of the deity they're trying to resurrect
14:51
in a different language, maybe. Nice. I'm so glad that I a thousand% mispronounced it
14:56
again. Bro, you just got to stop falling.
15:02
Shanty Town. Lovely. There's a firefight in this sequence. I think
15:08
there's a firefight right now when I'm bleeding out
15:14
or it might be a different sequence. Oh, yes. That's right.
15:26
What about the other one? Nothing, Jordan. You have to be very, very quiet.
15:32
The smell. Sound of disgust. The smell. Thanks.
15:39
You have to be very quiet. The smell. I don't know what you're talking about.
15:46
Jeffrey, what happened to you?
15:56
Not my tongue. You know what? Jeez.
16:02
I am really happy that like the stealth portions of games
16:09
don't, you know, take microphone input. Well, most games. I love the ones that do.
16:16
Well, in Isolation, you have the option to do that. Yeah. What the hell's going on in there?
16:24
Molly lost his temper. Any sign of the old man?
16:30
Nope.
16:36
Well, crap. They Yep. Yep. Yep. They just instantly know you're there now. I mean, I got a couple. I think
16:44
with one Jimmy John.
16:52
Bang. Damn. You really just shooting at them, huh? I mean, they're behind cover. It's not
16:58
It's stupid to waste bullets if they're behind cover. Oh, [ __ ] Haha.
17:04
Ha. They're scared of me. How nice.
17:11
Oh, I thought I saw movement. God damn it. I'm stupid. Shoot anything. That's anything ever.
17:18
I think they're making me come out. That's stupid. [ __ ] all of you. [ __ ]
17:24
escape. That should be my choice when I come out. Can't just force me to.
17:30
I'll come out of the closet when I want to. I'm glad you picked up on the joke.
17:39
Oh, I missed. Oh. Uh, you missing a shot? No.
17:45
Uh, being in liquid stops fire, right? Yeah, but it's liquid [ __ ]
17:50
Details. Details. That's where the devil's, bro. You got to go there. That's where the devil's
17:56
at. No, the devil's in Georgia. No, he went down to Georgia after he
18:02
came from the details. Oh, well, okay then. Shot him in the eye. Got him in the
18:10
pooper. No, not the pooper. The peeper.
18:16
Well, that could have gone better, but it could have gone a lot worse, right?
18:24
My god. Apparently, there was a trap there, but that didn't matter because there was no
18:30
issues. I think that would have been a lot more worse if I didn't
18:35
clear out those enemies first. Bro, that's got to be the intro moment. You got to make that like the beginning.
18:43
You might have wondered how I got into a lot worse ragged up.
18:50
I forgot. Technically, I forgot that we were going to be doing the Yep, that's me. You might have been wondering how
18:55
you got out of the situation. Where am I going? I'm going that way.
19:01
Okay. Waddle waddle till the very next day. It all started
19:06
in the summer of 2002. [Music]
19:20
Where are you shooting from? Oh, they're in the trees.
19:28
I'm the Lorax and I speak for the trees and for some [ __ ] reason they're speaking Vietnamese.
19:34
Damn, it's cool that the Lorax even knows Vietnamese, bro.
19:55
just fell off of the building. I'm assuming I have to go this way.
20:05
Oh, this might be a good thumbnail image, though. Damn it. You could just use one for one and then
20:12
one for another. I mean, I could. It doesn't have to be from the same video.
20:17
Exactly. Yeah. False advertising. Oh, [ __ ]
20:25
Kill. She's killing us all. Yeah, maybe you should. She said kill an adult.
20:33
Well, that's only because you um like she gets hurt very easily because of,
20:38
you know, how much damage she just took. Like the purpose of this mission is to go and get medical supplies.
20:47
I pressed X multiple times. There we go. Thank you. Yeah, but you didn't push it in the right spot. Oh, okay. You have to caress it first.
20:55
Yeah. Yeah.
21:00
Oh, hi. How are you? House to wife and kids. That guy just mag dumped and missed
21:06
every single shot. That's amazing. I love this guy. They they uh trained with
21:12
the stormtroopers. Did you know that the the main theory
21:18
about that is that when they say like, you know, stormtroopers have bad aim in like the actual lore like that's kind of
21:24
propaganda that they purposfully per purposefully use to like make people
21:30
underestimate them.
21:35
Then they can actually they actually have a shot. They actually have pretty good shot from what I from what I know.
21:42
Well, I think technically one of the lines like one of like the clone troopers or something someone that wore
21:47
the a group that wore the whole masks the whole helmets and stuff apparently
21:53
in theory it's because they couldn't see. Like the helmets are poorly
21:58
designed. Part of the reason why the bloopers of the first of the original
22:05
Star Wars movies, like the stormtrooper would hit his head on the bulkhead door. Yeah.
22:12
Arson, all that for a lighter.
22:19
Oh, first aid. You're going to Oh, okay. I'm not going to look at this part. I'm going to stare intently at the
22:25
screen. Tell me when it's over. It's over. I don't believe you.
22:30
A pussied out. Okay, I see how it is. Thumbnail image.
22:40
Picture taken moments after disaster. Pictures taken moments before disaster.
22:48
Freeze frame. You might be wondering how I got You must wonder how I got in this
22:53
situation. Well, it all started in the summer of 83. [Music]
23:01
[Laughter] Oh, look. A magically
23:07
better bow. That way. It makes sense to turn your bow into a compound bow.
23:13
You already had a recurve. That's not a compound. That's still a recurve you made.
23:19
No, I mean I I'm not sure what the difference is. Hang on. I It probably will say Oh, no. You made fire arrows. fire arrows,
23:26
which is basically just holding the lighter at the end edge of the arrow tip. That way you can have set the arrow
23:31
on fire as you shoot it. Roth, can you hear me?
23:37
Roth, are you okay? I'm fine.
23:42
You don't sound fine to me. I'm fine. Roth, where are you, girl? I'm in some kind of shanty town near the
23:47
fortified. Why does he got to call her girl? Still coming down the hill. How did you get there so fast?
23:53
Long story. I didn't mean to get down here so fast. Sarah, so see what had happened was the
23:58
way the island set up. Everything hates me. Oh, you didn't have to do that.
24:09
There wasn't even a save point. Oh, introducing the fire arrows. Nice.
24:17
Introducing the death. Holy [ __ ] Jeez. They all had wives and kids. I
24:25
hope you know every single one of them.
24:33
I hope they did. That way they can talk. You hope they did. I That way they could them parents that
24:39
you know. Oh that was fire you know it was it was still fire. No that way. That way. That
24:47
way. That way. The parent, the mom, the surviving member of the the surviving parent.
24:54
Oh, it's gas. Okay, I see now. Um, that way the surviving
24:59
parent can go through and say, "Don't be a piece of crap like your dad was, or you'll end up killed by
25:08
some snobby English girl." I hope you know that every mother says
25:13
that every time when there's no father, no matter what was the cause. I That is That is That is fair. Where? Oh,
25:18
you're up there. Hi, friend. Don't take a step backwards. Do not take a step backwards. Well, okay. I apparently wasn't in cover
25:25
fully, just so you know.
25:31
Jeez. He uses gasoline. Is the smuck up there? Yes, he is. So, I
25:39
can do that now. Set them on fire. And then I can go through and I can do
25:44
this. Set all of those people on fire. Oh, there's more. There's more. Call the
25:51
next 5 minutes and you'll get another thick container of OxyClean for free. Call the next 5 minutes, you'll get
25:57
another thick bodyguard to kill. Not sponsored with four C's.
26:04
Not sponsored by Henchmen Incorporated. bad guy incorporated.
26:11
Okay, I think you should probably just like All right, maybe you should just get in cover for a little bit.
26:20
Ink him. Hit him with the stink. Hit him with a stink. Hit him with a stink. Nice.
26:27
What's the downside of using fire arrows then? Do you just always use them now? I think so. Maybe.
26:34
It doesn't really seem to be a downside. Oh jeez. Oh, you're right there.
26:39
I did not turn. This is going to be a longer episode, by the way. Welcome to the Welcome to the party.
26:45
Hope you're doing well. Welcome to the Welcome to the Hope you're doing well. Um, welcome to Welcome to the Welcome to the
26:50
Hey, Welcome to the Welcome to the
26:57
I don't know. I don't know what's so funny to me about it. Just welcome to the Welcome to the uh Welcome to the uh
27:02
Welcome to the uh Welcome to the uh I'm going to get this. I'm going to get this now. The uh to the uh the uh
27:08
going to get that now. Welcome to the uh Yeah,
27:13
environmental kill there. That didn't kill you cuz you're a piece of crap. Uh I'm going to stand right here in the
27:20
middle of everything. That way I get killed. Good idea. A good idea. Yeah,
27:26
I probably should use a firearm at this point. Oh, you're right there. [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ]
27:31
Welcome to the uh danger zone cuz you're dead. Uh, you know what? I can do with all your sauce, you piece of [ __ ]
27:42
Welcome to the sass zone. Okay, duck undercover. I'm not pressing the shoot button. Cool. Stop it with the
27:48
the slow motion effects. I will get there and I will get
27:53
She's using fire. Oh my god. Whatever. I'm a caveman.
28:04
clear you out. Fire. Okay. You know what? Just run away. Run
28:10
away. Take a breath. Get a breather. Maybe people will come. Maybe people
28:16
will come to Maybe people will come to me. Welcome to the uh corner.
28:22
Welcome to the [ __ ] show. Oh, hi friend. Welcome to uh
28:28
I miss every shot that I take. It makes me feel any better. So is he.
28:34
You also have like an SMG, don't you? Just swap for the the auto fire weapon. I do, but there's not really
28:40
to the getting shot hour with Jordan. Uh, yes. I I love Well, at this rate, the episode's probably going to be an
28:46
hour. An hour. Power hour. Let's go.
28:58
You need to switch guns if I get sir. Oh no. Let me make this bullet count
29:03
first. Yeah, I don't need my shotty yet.
29:10
Shotty like a
29:17
[Applause] nice nice You're dying. You're dying. You got to
29:24
stop doing that. That's not cool. That's not pro gamer. That's not pro gamer.
29:37
Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. You're dying. You're dying. You're dying.
29:44
Where was that even aiming, my good sir? He didn't know where you were, man. He
29:50
was like there in this general direction. I love seeing How long is this shoot out? Oh my god.
29:57
I love seeing the the uh heads just coming up because of the angle I'm at.
30:02
You can't see the full You just see like the head walking up the stairs.
30:07
Oh, hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Nice to meet you. Oh, where are you coming from?
30:15
Their mama. When a when a mommy bad guy and a daddy bad guy love each other very much.
30:24
This is exactly what happens.
30:30
Welcome to the uh end of the combat encounter. Oh, you can just Okay, so you can just toggle. So fire regular arrows.
30:38
Oh, is it because the regular arrows are silent? I'm not sure.
30:43
There just doesn't seem to be much downside.
30:48
uh kind of loot some bodies that are up here real quick. And I think at that
30:53
point it's time for next time. Next time on Couch Goblins. Next time on Couch Goblins. Uh I'm going
30:59
to get good at the I'm going to get good at the game. We're going to be welcome you to the uh next episode. Now next time on Goblins.
31:06
Yeah. Well, that that was uh I'm really sad that that became a side tangent of welcome to the uh welcome to
31:13
the uh welcome to the uh welcome to the uh welcome to the uh
31:18
yeah I never claimed to be competent. Okay, I was really hoping you would die like one more time so be like welcome to the
31:24
uh loading screens. But I came up with it too late.
31:29
You're an ass. Oh my god. Uh so